You Heard Me !
I am not sure what that title means to you, but i find most people listen but do not hear. It is a skill many are lacking. This does not include my counselor. She is a very good hear-er. This past week i intensely felt she heard me. The small me who is huddled on the floor, in the dark, sobbing and alone. After been molested by 3 or 4 boys when I was age 9 or 10. She heard the pain, the sadness and the complete feeling of loneliness I still feel when i remember. And she knew i was alone and no one cared. She did not tease, talk down or make small of my pain. She would never, ever do that.I do fear most people will not understand and my story will make them so uncomfortable. I can not handle anything that is not supportive as this memory is traumatic and i very vulnerable when i even think about it. I am so grateful she is in my corner and I admire her strength to sit with me.
There is more work we are doing with the memory as from a scale of 1-10 my stress level is a 9/10. I am going to push ahead although i very scared. I will not harm myself or attempt suicide, but i am sure the pain will be excruciating. I must have the next day to regain my balance and to take care of myself. I promise myself i will do that and not push myself to be "okay" that next day. She heard me ! She heard me ! She heard me! It means so much i am crying.